


Vices and virtues

by Eponine_Thenardibae



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Also fluff, Angst, F/M, I will add tags as I go on, Modern AU, Montponine, The violence warning is for a fist fight, alcohol cw, drugs cw, jealous Azelma, jealous Claquesous, parental abuse cw, sex mentions cw, swearing cw, weapons (knives ect) cw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7654978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eponine_Thenardibae/pseuds/Eponine_Thenardibae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first to enter was the man who spoke with bleach blonde hair. The second was a well built man who towered over him. The third was a man who seemed to be not much more then dreadlocks and a mask, since you could not even see his face and he had a generally mysterious air about him. The final person to enter was tall and beautiful, like a swan. A really smarmy looking swan. <br/>*************************************************************************************************<br/>Patron Minette and Thenardier family AU were the Thenardiers still own an inn (This time in Paris) and the patron minette stumble upon them while finding a new place to drink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vices and virtues

It was latish in the evening. The inn had been open for hours but as per usual nothing had really happened. One person had looked into the window before catching a terrifying glare from Madame Thenardier and deciding that it was just not worth it. She wasn’t even trying to glare it was just the way her face tended to look. The woman in question was currently sat behind the bar reading a celebrity magazine and sipping at a glass of wine that she had made her younger daughter fetch for her ten minutes earlier, despite herself being closer to the bar than her at the time, since she was sat behind it.

Her older daughter Eponine, was scrubbing at tables. She looked over at her little sister who was doing nothing, and was just sat on a table in the corner, seeming to be daydreaming and staring around in various directions. This annoyed Eponine greatly, since her back was hurting and her hands felt like they were going to fall off. She was looking forward to going to bed, but all those hopes when out the window when someone knocked on the door.

“What do you want?” Madame Thenardier snapped towards the general area of the noise.   
“To enter. You’re are still an inn arn’t you?” Replied the person knocking, who had a twinge of sarcasm to their voice.  
“Don’t be smart mate. Come in before I change my mind.” Since they had had no customers in such a long time, Madame Thenardier was not in the place to send people away, but she didn’t want anything coming in and thinking they could say or do what they wanted. Not in her pub.

The person entered, and brought three others with him. The first to enter was the man who spoke with bleach blonde hair. The second was a well built man who towered over him. The third was a man who seemed to be not much more then dreadlocks and a mask, since you could not even see his face and he had a generally mysterious air about him. The final person to enter was tall and beautiful, like a swan. A really smarmy looking swan. 

As they entered, the second man tried to slam the door in the face of the final person entering, who swiftly kicked him in the shin, prompting him to snap “Fuck!” as Eponine laughed at the scene from the table she was cleaning. She had to admit she found the tall, fashionable one rather attractive, but it was still fun for her to laugh at his misfortune, as it was for her to laugh at most people’s misfortune. 

The pretty one rushed to the seat with the best lighting, directly from a window so the moonlight was hitting all of his features perfectly, and under a slightly dim light, which made his hair appear even more glossy and sleek than it had been styled to be. You could tell from the pleased look on his face he knew exactly what he was doing, and this made Eponine roll her eyes. The other people simply sat wherever around the table, clearly not too fussed about the lighting.

Eponine still needed to clean the table they had sat at and she was not going to let them stop her for a second as she bumped into all of them while cleaning the table and leaned over them. Most of them politely ignored her, tho she could feel a look or two burning into her as she bustled about them, acting as if they did not even exist.   
“Can we get some drinks?” Asked the handsome one, slightly tartly as Eponine bustled around.  
Eponine couldn’t help herself. “I don’t know. Can you?” She raised an eyebrow and shrugged as she looked directly at him for the first time that evening.  
“Eponine!” She mother snapped, glaring at her and hoping she didn’t scare off these customers, since they were the only ones they’d had in two days. “Sorry about her.” She shot a smile that made Eponine and Azelma shiver and made Eponine back away from the table to work on another. “What would you like?” 

“A black russian.” Said the blond one.  
“A white russian for me.” Said the tough looking one.   
“Water.” Said the one in the mask.   
“An electric coriander colada.” Said the pretty one. 

Madame Thenardier processed the information she was being given. She thought it odd someone would come into a bar and order water, and she had never even heard of an electric coriander colada. However, thanks to her reproductive system, it wouldn’t be her problem. “...Alright. Zelma, can you get them? I’m busy.” She said, as she continued to do literally nothing. 

All four of the customer's observed that Azelma looked far too young to be behind the bar, and yet there she was, mixing drinks like there was no tomorrow. She had straight up guessed what the cocktail was, and had dipped herself into the pantry for a second to get some coriander to sprinkle on top of a mixture of lemonade and absynth. It was probably wrong, but she didn’t care much and neither but her mother by the appearance of it. 

“This is a fine establishment. Has it been open long?” The blond one seemed to be leading all the conversations. None of the Thenardier girls could work out if he was the leader of everyone else just happened to be unsociable dicks.  
“About ten years.” Madame Thenardier replied.   
“That’s a long time.”   
“Well spotted Gue.”   
“Play nice.” The blond person certainly seemed to be working over time in stopping the squabbles between two in particular, since the masked one didn’t speak all that much, although he did scoff quietly at their bickering. 

After a while, it was learnt that the masked person was named Claquesous. The tough guy was Gueulemer. The blond one was Babet. And the beautiful one was Montparnasse. Azelma put their drinks on a tray and carried them over to their table, lingering a little longer than was needed after she put the tray down and being thanked by Babet. Instead she hovered around to bat her eyelashes at Montparnasse before skipping off and leaning Montparnasse to lean over to Claquesous and whisper “What the fuck?” while Gueulemer laughed at the sight of the tiny girl trying to flirt with Montparnasse. 

Seeing this unfold, Madame Thenardier didn’t want them to be scared off by being flirted with by a teenager and she decided to go back to and old - but safely bland - topic. “It’s a family business. These are my daughters, by the way.” She gestured to Eponine, and then Azelma. “My husband is away at the moment, which is good because he’s terrible.” She said, smiling casually. 

“Oh.” Babet said, slightly unsure of how to react. “It is a fine place though.”   
“Could I have a straw?” Asked Montparnasse, looking around for someone to bring them one or for a place they could find one for themselves.   
“Zel, get him a straw.” Madame Thenardier sent her youngest again. Not the person Montparnasse had been hoping for. 

“Alright!” Azelma’s eyes lit up, she was more than happy to rush to the aid of the handsome stranger once again. She jumped off the table top, rushing back behind the bar to go into their stash of straws, and back towards Montparnasse. She passed it to them and then winked, making them shudder slightly while they drank to forget. 

“Is it pleasant?” Questioned Claquesous. Completely monotone.  
“Enough.” Montparnasse shrugged and Azelma overheard, feeling slightly insulted. As he shrugged, the daughter he had been hoping for earlier came over. It initially appeared that she was just cleaning the table but this was revealed to be a distraction as she leaned right over Montparnasse and whisperd;  
“Sorry about her.” Clearly talking about her flirtatious sister, whom she had to apologize for often. Montparnasse raised their eyebrow in response, instead of actually giving a response, and he shrugged. 

Gueulemer shrugged dramatically from the other side of the table in an attempt to provoke Montparnasse, but this gesture was completely missed because Montparnasse was focusing more on watching Eponine walk away and staring at her as she started to clean another table. Gueulemer was not happy about this, and leaned all the way across the table just to tap Montparnasse to get his attention, and then repeat the mocking action. Montparnasse didn’t dignify him with a response. 

“Where you all from anyway? You don’t look like students.” Madame Thenardier was genuinely curious about where they were from, They didn’t look likely to be related due to their varying ethnicities and strikingly different facial features, and they were all such different ages that it was obvious they didn’t meet through work or school. 

“We’re from the rue du croissant.” It was the first fake place that came to Babet’s head, but Madame Thenardier seemed to accept it, even if she did look a little befuddled at such a name. 

Azelma was the one to change the subject. “Why do you wear a mask, anyway?” She was practically yelling from her side of the room. She could have gone over to sit with them but she was content at her little table for now. In her eyes, she was playing hard to get.  
“So you don’t see my face.” Answered Claquesous bluntly.   
“That sounds dodgy as fuck.” Replied Azelma with a little laugh, as Claquesous pointedly ignored her.  
“Azelma, we’re dodgy as fuck, what are you talking about?” Eponine sighed from the other side of the room, earning a sharp warning from their mother.   
“GIRLS.” She snapped. 

Montparnasse, Claquesous and Babet all started to pay attention to them then. The emptiness of the bar, the obviously underage waitress and the comments from the elder daughter had shown them already that this family was possibly not the most reputable, and that could possibly even help them if they needed a few extra hands on a job. Gueulemer was ignoring this however, and thinking of new ways to annoy Montparnasse. 

Eponine had just finished scrubbing the stain from an old coffee that her mother had left on one of the tables after spilling, and decided that she certainly didn’t want any more stains to scrub after this group of people had left. “Hey, you’re all using coasters, right?” She called over. 

“Yes, I beliv- Oh, Montparnasse, tuck that coaster under your glass will you?” Babet tutted. Montparnasse sighed, but did as he was told. “Now we are. Wouldn’t want to damage your tables for no good reason.”

“Good. Keep it that way.” She said, more to Montparnasse than to anyone else, since she didn’t care how pretty he was, she wasn’t going to spend her day tomorrow cleaning up his mess. “Drink stains can be fucking murder to clean.” 

“‘Ponine, what did I say about swearing in front of customers?” Madame Thenardier cocked her head to one side with a sickly grin that made shivers run up Eponine’s spine and she shut up immediately. That was until Montparnasse picked up his drink, took a sip, and then put it down ever so slightly off of the coaster that Babet had passed him earlier. 

Eponine went over and tapped him on the shoulder. When he looked at her she raised her eyebrows and pointed at the coaster to demonstrate her point. He fixed it, and again, stared at her as she walked away, which certainly made Claquesous at the other end of the table feel a little jealous. 

He was not the only one feeling jealous, and Azelma bounded over, pulling up a chair and placing it and therefor herself right next to Montparnasse. She’d sat so close that their elbows and knees were touching. Azelma took this as affection, but it was actually more that Montparnasse had nowhere to move since if he moved in the other direction he would be awkwardly close to Babet, and at least Azelma would leave eventually. Hopefully.

“Hi.” She simpered, earning a snicker from Gueulemer, who was finding the whole situation hilarious.   
“Hello?” Montparnasse looked at her in confusion, as if she had wandered in off the street and started casually flirting with the first person she saw.  
“So, what’s your name.” She batted her eyelashes with all her might as Montparnasse tried their best to lean as far away as possible. Azelma only moved more, so by now she was only one movement away from being sat on him.  
“Montparnasse.”   
“Isn’t that a graveyard?” Flirting 101 with Azelma Thenardier.   
“Yes.” He was doing his best not to encourage her, and looked in a completely different direction, sipping at his drink and pretending she didn’t exist. Gueuelemer however, would not let him pretend this for long.

“Ayy, Montys got a girl after him!”   
“Shut the fuck up Gueulemer.”   
For hardened criminal, Gueulemer wasn’t that harsh at insults, and chose methods such as imitating the other person, which worked perfectly in this situation. 

Azelma felt a little sour that they seemed to be making fun of her and she attached onto Montparnasse’s arm. “There’s no need to be embarrassed is there?” Montparnasse had reached his limits of escape since she was now holding onto him and resting her head onto his shoulder.   
“A little.” They said, clearing their voice.   
“Montparnasse.” Babet warned, willing him to be nice to the poor girl.

“Take her with you for all I care honestly.” Spoke the mother, who had been listening in and rolling her eyes at Azelma’s ridiculous attempt to chat up Montparnasse since it had began.   
“Mum!” Azelma snapped in embarrassment.  
“No thank you.” Montparnasse cringed.   
“You can have the other one if you want, I’m not fussed.”   
Now it was Eponine’s turn to be embarrassed as she spun around from her current cleaning task to face everyone. “Mum!”

A silence fell over the room as everyone looked at Montparnasse, who sipped his drink and very noticeably didn’t say ‘No.’ to the Madame’s proposal. Gueulemer made a soft “ooooooo” sound, while Eponine blushed and Azelma finally detached herself from Montparnasse’s arm. Babet patted Claquesous on the shoulder, who at this point was looking rather nervous. 

Enjoying his newly found freedom, Montparnasse downed his weird drink, and much to his dismay, again found himself at the attentions of the younger Thenardier sister. “Do you want another?” She asked.

He told her another strange cocktail that he knew she hadn’t heard of, which she straight up guessed how to make again, but he didn’t seem to complain. She was hovering when she took it back to the table again and Babet (who had been watching Claquesous try to work out a way to drink with a mask on all night) asked her for a straw. 

“I’ll get it.” Eponine said, rushing over to try and prevent her sister from scaring these people off for good. The news of Eponine’s possible visit to the table made Montparnasse push his hair back in an attractive manner, as if they hadn’t been in the same room all evening.   
“But-” Azelma started to protest, but Eponine had already sped to the bar and then back to the table with the straw. Azelma realized she had lost, and went to sit back in the corner in a sulk, as Eponine passed the straw to Claquesous, who put on end of the straw in the glass of water, and the other slipped under his mask. 

“Hey. Do you want me to take that glass?” Eponine pointed to the empty glass that Montparnasse had left from the monstrosity that they had consumed earlier on.   
“Sure.” He nodded, slightly shocked that the person he was actually trying to check out had spoken to him finally. She left again, and he repeated the hair action in case she was looking as she left. She wasn’t. 

Gueulemer however, was watching, and flicked his hair back in a similar fashion to the way that Montparnasse had done while Montparnasse was watching Eponine walk into the storeroom.   
“I’m Montparnasse.” He declared in a low, sultry tone, that made the real Montparnasse finally turn his attention to Gueulemer, scowling. “I have a crush on the landlady’s daughter!” Gueulemer swished his head to the side. “I’m so cool and elegant, I don’t contour, this is all natural baby.” 

“Gueulem-” Babet started a warning that he didn’t get to finish, because Gueulemer was not finished.  
“What the fuck are you saying?” Montparnasse hissed, starting to feel a familiar feeling of rage building up in the middle of his stomach.   
“I need to check myself out seven times a day - Or I could die!” Gueulemer was laughing, by Montparnasse was not, and instead decided to punch Gueulemer directly in the nose.

Gueulemer didn’t take this as any sort of sign to back off and instead decided to grab Montparnasse by the collar in retaliation. Babet stood up, not completely sure how to finish it, but knowing he was going to get these two to sit down and shut up even if it killed him. Babet was considering his options (While Claquesous looked on uselessly) when Montparnasse launched himself over a table, and Babet tried to pull him back by the waist. It only half worked, seeing as Montparnasse threw another punch at Gueulemer in that time. 

“You’re a fucking bastard!” Yelled Montparnasse.  
“Probably.” Gueulemer laughed and spit out some blood that had found its way into his mouth.   
“If you’re going to fight, can you at least do it outside?” Madame Thenardier rolled her eyes, while Azelma hid herself under her table incase the fight somehow made it’s way over to her. The fight always seemed to make it over to her.   
Montparnasse ignored Madame Thenardier and kicked Gueulemer as hard as he could between the legs.  
“You little prick!” Gueulemer snapped in pain as Madame Thenardier finally stormed over and put herself in between them. Montparnasse tried struggling away from Babet and pushing past Madame Thenardier  
She was not having any of this however, and with little to no effort, she somehow lifted Montparnasse and placed him several feet away, fixing her hands on his shoulders once she’d set them down and glaring at them. “Do that again and I’ll set Azelma on you. She’s tiny, but she’s vicious.” 

Montparnasse shivered at the idea of having to face Azelma again and Madame Thenardier released him while Babet talked to Gueulemer and Azelma emerged from her spot under the table. 

“Gueulemer. What have I told you about making fun of Montparnasse?”   
“Not to do it in front of them?”  
“...Good enough.” 

Eponine came out of the store room that she had been in for some time and must have had some sort of soundproof door, as when she came back in she looked around in confusion - everyone was stood up and tables, chairs and drinks had gone everywhere. “What the fuck went on here?” She said, somehow sounding both tired and enraged. 

“A fight.” Answered Gueulemer, still scowling at Montparnasse.   
“Chaos.” Answered Babet. Which was closer to the mark honestly. 

“Eponine!” Madame Thenardier snapped. Most the time she tried to at least act calm when around customers, but these customers hadn’t been calm themselves, and she was near the end of her tether. “Stop swearing, or I’ll rip your fucking throat out.” She said, much to the shock of most people in the room excluding Eponine and Azelma, who were used to this on a regular basis. 

“You just swore.” Pointed out Montparnasse, who was still dangerously close to Madame Thenardier.  
“Is he gonna die?” Whispered Gueulemer to Babet.  
“Perhaps.” Whispered Babet back, truthfully.   
Azelma shuffled over to them. “Oh lads. He’s already dead.” 

“Do you wanna fucking do mate?” Spat Madame Thenardier, getting ready to launch herself at him any second.   
“Not particularly, just stating a fact.” Montparnasse was managing to keep his cool and hold his ground, even though he was faced with the human embodiment of rage.   
Madame Thenardier - as always - was thinking about what was best for her. She had to admit, just like everyone else, she had noticed Montparnasse eyeing up Eponine all evening, and she wasn’t about to let what she saw as an opportunity pass her by. So, she reluctantly calmed down.  
“Well don’t state a fact. Drink your drink and bloody behave.” She adjusted a part of her sleeve which had slipped out of place and edged up to him. “You know, if you do have a crush on my daughter, I’m sure she has the night free for twenty euros.” 

It was odd enough when mothers tried to set dates for their daughters, never mind casually soliciting strangers for their daughters. “I have plans.” Montparnasse lied. “Sorry.” He wasn’t.

“Shame.” Madame Thenardier turned her attention back onto the rest of the people in the room. “Does anyone want anything else?” She asked, offering the first smile that could be considered warm - although it was still very close to a grimace. The only person to accept her offer was Gueulemer, and she went to make the drink herself this time, since she knew Azelma didn’t water drinks down and they weren’t made of money. While she was doing that, Eponine found her way over to Montparnasse, a thick scowl on her face. 

“Great. Now I have to clean all the drink that got spilled. Thanks for that mate.” Eponine had spent all day cleaning up. What she had been cleaning she didn’t actually know since there had been no one in the bar for days, but her mother had ordered her to do it so she needed to get it done. She was just about to finish up and go to bed when Montparnasse fucked everything up.

He apologized. He seemed to mean it as well but she continued to glare at him, making him feel extra ashamed of his actions. Which of course was the intention. She pushed past him and made him stumble and she continued her way through cleaning. When this was successful, she even stood on his heels for good measure. 

Eventually, after a lot of watering down, Madame Thenardier took Gueulemer’s drink over to him.  
“Thank you Madame.” She nodded in appreciation and turned to leave, before he attracted her attention again. “Hey, are you french?”   
She gave him a look of confusion. “Well. Born in Puetro Rico but yeah, I’m french.”   
“Because…” Gueulemer leaned forward slightly and smirked “...Ma-DAMN!”   
“Oh god.” Whispered Montparnasse, softly, but with a lot of feeling, from his side of the room.   
“I’m married.” Replied Madame Thenardier. Monotone, to go over the mess of her surroundings.  
“I’m sorry.” Gueulemer was obviously apologizing more for her married state than for his advances at this point.  
She shrugged as Eponine cleaned and pretended she wasn’t there. “It’s fine. My husband is a dick.”   
“Oh?” Gueulemer leaned over the table in apparent interest.   
“Yeah.” Madame Thenardier took a second to look into the distance and feel sorry for herself. 

Meanwhile, Montparnasse was still feeling bad about making the waitress have to clean up more. He approached her steadily, she was now behind the bar counting coins and she pretended not to notice him. “Hey.”

She looked up at him, as if she was surprised at his presence. “Hello.” She said, with no enthusiasm. “What do you want?” She added. With just as little enthusiasm.   
“I really am sorry about the drinks.” He said, genuinely. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?” 

Eponine pretended she didn’t care, but she was still fuming. “Well, you could have cleaned them up but I’ve done that now.”  
“Ah.” For the first time in years, Montparnasse felt guilty. “Anything else?” At this point ,they were so desperate to make it up to her, they would have done almost anything.   
She had to admit, he was far too pretty to be mad at for long. “You could buy me a drink. She looked up at him finally. “Somewhere that isn’t here.”  
He smiled. “Sounds like a plan.”   
“Alright.” She couldn’t help but smile back. “I never leave this fucking place so it’ll be easy to find me.” 

“What did I say about swearing?” Yelled Madame Thenardier - who apparently had supersonic hearing. While Eponine took a second to be silent, Madame Thenardier who found her way over to Babet. “So.” She said, lowering her eyelids slightly. “I’m married...but not like, properly. If you get what I mean.”   
“What?”  
“I mean, he’s away a lot.” Madame Thenardier pouted slightly and leaned against the wall.  
“Oh. That must be hard for you and the kids.” Said Babet, who was authentically feeling for this poor woman and her apparently awful husband. 

“Yeah it’s a shame really.” Madame Thenardier let a tear start to form in her eye, and looked sad for about three seconds. “Hey do you wanna make out?” She said nonchalantly, wiping the emotion off her face like it was lipstick.  
Babet paused. “Sure!” He enthused, and Madame Thenardier pounced on him like an angry leech going straight for the mouth.

“AYYY GET IT BABET!” Yelled Gueulemer from his corner of the room where he’d previously been talking to Azelma, which prompted everyone in the room to look over.   
“What the fuck.” Montparnasse said in a stage whisper as Eponine’s hands flew to her own face in despair.   
“Oh my god! I swear to fucking god! MUM!” She exclaimed, but this time her mother was far too busy with Babet’s tounge in her mouth to yell at her daughter for swearing.  
“I’m sorry about my friend.” Montparnasse said, feeling obligated to apologize for behaviour that his friends had seen him recreate many many times in the past.  
“I’m sorry for my mother.” Winced Eponine, as she watched Madame Thenardier push Babet against a wall and had to look away. “Ummm...yeah that’s...gross, honestly. Jesus fucking christ.” 

Gueulemer was cheering his friend on and being a terrible influence while Azelma used the opportunity to sneak around the room and take sips of everyone’s drinks. Eponine pretended she wasn’t there and Montparnasse looked on in disgust until they could finally look back at Eponine. “Is there another room we could go to?” He asked, desperate to not be in the same room as THAT.  
“We have a pantry.” Eponine shrugged. “I mean, it’s a big pantry but it’s still a pantry.” She gestured to a door behind her.  
“Anything to get me away from this sight is good.” And with that they disappeared into the dark room.

Eponine walked around the bar took Montparnasse by the hand, thus leading him into the pantry and closing the door behind them. Meanwhile, Gueulemer approached Azelma again.  
“Can I have a beer?”   
“Weren’t you just cheering on my mother committing adultery?”  
“Well…”  
“Fine I’ll get you a beer.” Azelma rushed towards the bar and came back holding an open bottle for Gueulemer. “There you go my dude.” She said, and once he took it she sat back up onto the little table. “Wait…” She looked around. “Where did you pretty friend go?”   
Gueulemer, who had been watching everything, replied; “Into the pantry.” He shrugged. “With your sister.

Azelma felt a thick mist of jealousy build up in her stomach, and felt as if her blood was boiling. She had been trying to get Montparnasse’s attention all evening and instead, he had gone off somewhere with her unattractive and sarcastic sister who to her knowledge hadn’t looked at him twice. She wasn’t happy at all. “For fucks sake.” She muttered.   
Gueulemer picked up on this easily, every pub and club they went to had at least one person glaring at whoever ended up dancing or making out with Montparnasse and Azelma had that exact look on her face. “Jealous?”  
“Yeah!” She squeaked. “He’s really pretty! I’m sure you’ve noticed.” She whined. 

She glanced away from Gueulemer for a second while she was feeling sorry for herself, and accidentally caught a glance of Babet messing up her mother's hair while they were still making out. They hadn’t even come up for breath yet. 

“WELL.” She said, looking away and back at Gueulemer. “If he wants to go with my awful sister, that’s his loss.”   
“Also you’re fifteen.” Gueulemer said, stating probably the most obvious reason that Montparnasse had been trying to avoid her.   
“So?” Azelma said as if Gueulemer was speaking in a foreign language to her. “He can’t be older then like, twenty one.” She said. She was said as if that would be completely normal age for a fifteen year old to date.   
“They’re nineteen.” Gueulemer confirmed, resisting the temptation to tell her that Montparnasse was actually thirty, since it probably would put her off anyway.  
“See! Not that bad.”  
“Still kinda gross.”  
“Whatever! I’m fifteen and a half anyway.”   
“...Okay.” 

Meanwhile, Claquesous had a text conversation which, had she seen it, would have given Azelma a strangest type of jealousy. 

To Claquesous: I’m taking the girl with the awful hair out to dinner, be back later.   
To Mont: Wear a condom.   
To Claquesous: Ew.  
To Mont: Have fun.

Claquesous stood up, feeling lonely now Montparnasse had left, Gueulemer was talking to Azelma and Babet was on the landlady’s face. He stood up and while no one was looking, just started casually drinking alcohol from the bar. 

“Hey, who’s the guy in the mask?” Azelma asked, not seeing what he was getting up to.   
“That’s Claquesous.”   
“He’s pretty fly for a masked guy.” Azelma couldn’t hold herself back with that one.  
Gueulemer laughed and accidentally spit out the mouthful of beer that was in his mouth. “That’s brilliant, can I use that?”   
“A gift from me to you.” She shrugged, pretending she wasn’t lighting up with pride that she’d made him laugh.   
“You’re not so bad you know.” Gueulemer smiled warmly.   
Praise was enough to make Azelma happy end time of the day. “True, I am the best.” She said casually as if she was not internally screaming.   
“Same.” Gueulemer smirked.  
“We should be friends!” Blurted Azelma, immediately thinking of how childish he must be finding her now. “I mean, you should come here more often.” She flipped her hair and tried to appear chill, though the mere concept of someone who wanted to be friends with her and not Azelma was making her want to burst.  
“Alright. It’s a pretty cool place.”  
“Well it’s not, but I’m here.” 

Gueulemer excused himself and went to the bathroom which, if not for Eponine, would have mould climbing the walls. The only slightly nice thing about the room was a small bar of fancy soap that had been placed on the sink, which Gueulemer promptly slipped into his pocket as he was   
walking out.

“Holy shit, how much soap did you use? You smell really strongly of it.” Said Azelma, screwing up her face as he walked out.  
“I have a hand washing compulsion.” He injected. She seemed to shrug and accept it. Claquesous was still at the bar drinking. After a certain amount of alcohol, Claquesous passed out and Azelma looked over at him on the floor in concern.  
“You friend passed out.”  
Gueulemer looked over and looked him over. Claquesous was well gone. “We should draw a dick on his mask.”   
“Yes!” Azelma ran quickly to her room to find one of her (And by “her” it meant what she’d stolen from Eponine) sharpie markers and rushed down quickly, glancing at her mother and Babet who were still firmly pinned to each other. She passed the marker straight to Gueulemer.   
“Thanks. I’d draw it on his face, but you don’t even wanna try taking his mask off.”   
“Why?” Inquired Azelma. “Is he like the phantom of the opera or something?”   
“Fucked if I know.” Was the response, as he started carefully drawing a realistic penis on the cheek part of Claquesous’s mask, with Azelma looking on nervously.   
“This is modern art.” She whispered softly. “Thanks for not being awful.” She said suddenly as she jumped on Gueulemer to hug him, and he giggled at her.  
“My pleasure.”

As they smiled at each other, Claquesous swiftly opened his eyes and grabbed Gueulemer by the arm. “Fuck.” Gueulemer whispered simply.   
“Ooooooo, you’re fucked.” Azelma couldn’t help but laugh.  
Gueulemer wriggled while Claquesous only tightened his grip.  
“What did you do?”  
“I didn’t do anything?”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes.”   
Silently, Claquesous stood up and walked calmly to to the bathroom. The bathroom with the mirror in it. Gueulemer turned to Azelma. “Seeya.” He babbled, before running out of the door like a bullet. Seconds later, Claquesous emerged from the bathroom and turned to Azelma.  
“Where is he?” He whispered, scarily calm.  
“He’s out the door mate.” Azelma then looked up and put on a more serious voice. “You’re not going to hit me are you?”   
“I won’t. Where did he go?” 

Before Azelma could answer, Babet unhooked himself from Madame Thenardier. “Where’d everyone go?” He asked, looking around to see that three people had left since he had checked. To be fair to Babet, it is hard to see who is in the room while you’re halfway down a landlady’s throat.   
“They left.” Claquesous shrugged.   
“Heeeey.” Madame Thenardier whined, trying her best to regain the power of speech. “Where did the hot guy that was on my face go?”   
Babet looked confused. “Me?”  
“Yeah.” She smirked. “That was nice, thanks mate.”   
They high fived. 

“Claquesous, why do you have a dick on your mask?” Babet questioned while Madame Thenardier took a compact out of her pocket and started trying to fix her hair.  
“It wasn’t planned.” Said Claquesous.

Once, her hair and makeup were in some sort of order again, Madame Thenardier looked around the room for someone to yell at for something. “Hey, where’s my eldest daughter?”   
“She left. With the pretty one.” Azelma was well aware his name was Montparnasse, yet was insistent on calling him ‘the pretty one’ most the time.  
“OK. She just left with a strange person!” Madame Thenardier sighed and straightened a part of her clothing that had been messed up while canoodling Babet. “So either she’s dead, or they’re having sex. Really, I’m fine with either.” She added casually as Azelma shuddered, not sure which thought was worse. 

At that moment, as if cue, Montparnasse and Eponine walked through the front door carrying four pizza boxes each. Madame Thenardier had finally found someone to shout at. “Oh! Look who finally decided to show her face!” Eponine winced. “You forgot to clean behind the bar, by the way. Thanks for your ‘hard work’, Eponine.” She lowered her voice so no one would hear her. “Stupid little shit.” But Eponine heard, and her heart dropped.

“Claq, why are there dicks on your mask?” Asked Montparnasse, placing the pizza boxes on the table.   
“Everytime it’s mentioned. I get more angry.” Claquesous warned.  
“Gueulemer drew them.” Azelma giggled, and Claquesous shot her a glare. “Shit sorry.” Then Azelma saw the food and her eyes widened. “Holy fuck!”  
“Yeah we uhh...we brought eight pizzas. And a garlic bread.”


End file.
